From: Dinsdale [fakeaddress@gmail.com]
To: Dinsdale's Dad [reallyboringaddress@somecompanyi'veneverheardoffrom1996.com]
Subject: Cockroach, A Wes Craven Film
So this morning I had to kill a cockroach. And it was really big and when I sprayed it it fell onto the window sill and I got it in the dustpan but then it started running all over the dustpan and I was screaming and I dropped the dustpan and I was all, "oh god it's trapped under the dustpan and I'm going to have to move it or maybe I could just leave it there until it dies I mean that can't be that long right like cockroaches can't survive without food for that long right and whatever I can just leave it there and avoid the living room for a week I mean who needs living rooms anyway they're totally overrated" except then it started crawling out from under the dustpan like it was some kind of mutant zombie cockroach and so I got it with the brush and somehow got it into the dustpan and then I ran outside screaming and I really hope none of our neighbours witnessed me in my dressing gown looking like a psychopath with crazy eyes screaming "DIE! DIE! DIE!" as I stomped it to death.
I expect a present for this.
Sent from my iPad*
*Totally lying
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